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I’m sorry, Gentle Readers, but this is going to be a fairly truncated
missive this week. I will spare you the sordid details, but the MMQB’s
younger daughter was involved in a serious car accident last week. While
she is fine physically, it has been a pretty traumatic experience for her
and for our family, and the reality is that I’m just damned tired and having
a hard time getting into the true spirit of the MMQB at the moment.
DAWGS CELEBRATE FIRST NON-LOSING WEEKEND OF SEASON AFTER NIPPING B-Y-E
Hey, at this point, we consider it a positive when a weekend goes by without
another L being notched onto Ty-One-On’s bedpost and no players end up in
the hospital or the slammer. Maybe that’s why we have at least three of
these damn things scheduled this season…
BRONCS WIN! BRONCS WIN! BRONCS WIN!
As you may have gathered from some of my references over the years, the MMQB
is something of a student of history. And so it is especially gratifying
when he has the opportunity to comment on history being made. As in, the
Boise State Broncos securing their first-ever regular season road win over a
school from a BCS conference. Ain’t history great? It’s clear that this
year’s AFLAC squad is way ahead of schedule. I mean, normally they wait
until November to swoon (2-6 over the last two seasons). But this year,
with all appropriate respect and apologies to Mikey Bawlalotti, the “games
you hate to remember begin in September.” Yeah, there may be a little
something to the fact that the Ladies of the Knight were trotting out a QB
that until recently had been doing dishes at the Alpha Phi house. But on
the other hand, the Broncs were featuring their own inexperienced, freshman
QB (Prosser WA’s own Kellen Moore) and all he did was throw for 386 yards
and three TDs. Lest you think that this battle on the Field Named For a
Coach With A Career Losing Record was completely devoid of the officiating
shenanigans that mark most visits to the Concrete Bunker, I’ll point out
that the Quackers’ final score in the closing minutes came immediately after
consecutive pass interference penalties (apparently BSU defenders breathed
on the receivers) set the home team up on the 7-yard-line. Alas, there was
no opportunity for the Slugeaters to try their usual 14 onside kicks and
time ran out for Mikey’s minions. On the plus side, Wazzu is up next.
BOOGS PROVE THEY CAN COMPETE AT 1-AA LEVEL
Good news for Boogs: they actually won a game. The bad news: it came
against a fraternity intramural team from Portland State. Oh, and they lost
their top two QBs in the process, although no one can really tell whether
that’s good news or bad.
MEDIA CRITIQUE
Not that the MMQB is paranoid or overly critical or anything, but am I the
only one who has noticed that the AFLAC coverage in the Sunday Seattle Times
was significantly more subdued in the wake of their historic plucking by the
Blue Turfers than it was when they were basking in the glow of victory over
the Boilermakers? I’m just saying…
RUNNIN’ WITH THE PAC
In addition to the Montlake Mutts, the Barkrats, Cal and U$C were all idle
on Saturday. The play-every-other-week schedule was especially important
for the Condoms, as some of their players needed the extra time to talk with
the booster buddies after reconfiguring their investment portfolios in the
wake of the turmoil in the financial markets. In actual games, next week’s
Pooch opponents, the Stunnedford Trees, got past San Jose State 23-10. This
accomplishment is roughly akin to outrunning Charlie Weis. And remember,
he’s on crutches. Moving further south, Willy Tuitama-Lama-Ding-Dong led
the ‘Zona Mildcats past Slicky Ricky and the Ruins, 31-10. (F)UCLA
generated less than 200 yards of total offense, prompting well-respected
coordinator Norm “Puppy” Chow to grouse, “I came back for this sh*t?”
Following the game, the sweater-vested one thanked the fans for sticking
around until the bitter end, noting that it wasn’t much fun to watch. What
he didn’t say but was undoubtedly thinking: ”God help me, I hope the
administration is similarly patient with me or else I’ll need to supplement
my income with a few well-chosen bets…” Finally, in what was billed to be
a tough non-conference test for the Georgia Bulldogs, the Stun Devils caved
27-10. Turns out the biggest challenge of the trip was keeping Uga XII from
dropping a deuce on the sidelines.
SMALL COLLEGES, BIG DRAMA
It’s only two weeks into the small college football season, and already two
juggernauts are building momentum for the classic November 8th showdown in
Salem. The vaunted student-athletes of U-Pay-Us worked overtime in nipping
C-M-S 34-28. For the wine connoisseurs among us, C-M-S in this case does
not refer to the usual blend of cabernet, merlot, and syrah, but instead to
Claremont-Mudd-Scripps. So essentially, the North Warner Warriors had to
defeat three schools Saturday, and their effective record is 4-0. That’s my
story and I’m sticking to it. Their eventual victims … er, opponents …
the Bare Puddytats of Willy’s Armpit, somehow managed to sneak by Southern
Oregon, which recently graduated to actual tackle football from intramural
flag football, in a 31-23 comeback.
QUICK HITTERS
Mama, Don’t Let Your Sons Grow Up To Be Cowboys – Wyoming lost to B-Y-Who
44-0. In the last two weeks, the polygamists have outscored their opponents
103 – zip. And their winning streak is so long that some of their players
were actually under the age of 26 when it began… ***** A Day Late and A TD
Short – One day after International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day, East Carolina
lost in OT to N.C. State 30-24. The sound you hear is the national media
jumping off the Pirate bandwagon. ***** Back to Normal for Buffalo – After
Buffalo burst out of the gate 2-1 this season, Missouri popped their bubble
with a routine 42-21 thrashing of the Bulls. Speaking of routine, Chase
Daniel hit 20 consecutive passes on his way to a career-high 439 yards
passing. What’s that coach’s name, again? ***** Back to Normal for Kansas
- One week after their loss to USF, Mangino’s Maniacs rock-block-jay-walked
over Sam Houston State 38-14. Wake me up when their non-conference schedule
is over. ***** What a Difference A Week Makes – THE Ohio State University
overcame a sluggish performance in defeating Troy 28-10. Apparently, the
players began twitching when they heard they had to face the “men of Troy”
again this week. *****Nipping the Communion Wine Again There, Father? – Mike
Golic’s son was one of several Notre Shame players arrested for alcohol
infractions following the team’s 23-7 loss to Michigan State. Apparently,
Fat Charlie’s pledge to change the team culture he inherited from Willingham
is reaching fruition. ***** I Turned Down Miami For This? – Greg Schiano,
once one of the nation’s hottest coaching prospects, has announced that he
won’t suspend his starting QB for taking a swing at a teammate in the waning
moments of the Knights’ 23-21 loss to Navy. Fortunately, like many of his
passes, the QB’s swing didn’t connect. **** Goes Without Saying, I Suppose
- One week after blasting Wazzu 45-17, Baylor lost to U-Conn 31-28. When
asked to describe the outcome of the game, an unidentified player simply
said, “The Huskies are just a helluva lot better than the Cougars.”
AND IN CLOSING…
On Saturday, Clay Bennett continued to rock the sports world by announcing
plans to purchase THE Ohio State University marching band. He immediately
demanded that the bank size be doubled so that the unit could complete a
script Oklahoma. When it was pointed out that his home state lacks any I’s
for a tuba player to dot, Bennett replied, “That’s OK; the band can spell
out Sooners if they like.” Investigative journalists immediately began
researching his SAT scores…
That is all,
McTavish O’Fishlivet
